Monday, August 14, 2006
I'm getting
tired, of trying to be strong; or look strong, or sound contrary to the state of which the Wind leaves me, at night..define strong; relentless? Impenetrable? Strength is often considered synonymous to..endurance, I suppose?I always run out of breath..I knew I would, when I flipped the coin and ran.
Or, perhaps, able to pass through and surpass waves of emotion..able to dive into, unto and against. To experience, and live..I remember something about that in Tuesdays with Morrie.
Ever had the kind of morning you know ought to drown in your coffee cup?
Sometimes you run and you realize that, ten, twenty minutes later..your heart'll jumpstart and your chest will tighten; but, just as it doesn't get any easier til the checkered flag, it's the same heart, in the same chest, feeling the same pain, living the same life.
Sometimes thoughts are too much to be sent into my domain unrebukable.
So you keep running, and some people will think you weak as you stumble and refuse to look back..sometimes you will question the strength you claim. But you keep running..and they'll figure out that your soles are up against everything ahead; you seize the pain, but the rush of release reminds you so much of life..in no sense the masochist.
And it's a pain in itself to sort these cut roses, out in the open, momentarily
..but old sores find cures; white washed flesh rots from within. It is enough, to recut and reveal and rest..to pull and spin and breathe. There is no other breath to live by, than that given..by circumstance, this skin heaves and weaves til memory is crystal, pouring out red wine.
Honestly, I do think I've forgotten how to make sense, much too often, and
I don't know.
I don't know.
| {3:46 PM}
